The Top Ten Metal Xmas Songs
The ultimate heavy metal sleighlist
Filled with seasonal cheer (and brandy and Advocaat and Walnut Whips), Hammer was inspired to assemble a jolly merry sleighlist of reindeer-ripping metal Crimbo classics…
King Diamond – No Presents For Christmas (single, 1985)
Even on his debut solo endeavour, you can trust the King to tackle such credibility-baiting seasonal high-camp with fearless conviction, nailing the inherent comedy of the concept while still offering up an explosive Christmas cracker of a tune that stands up with his best work, a righteous heads-down barrage of infectious theatrical heavy metal that puts fists in the air and delirious grins on the face.
Bad News – Cashing In On Christmas (Dub) (Bootleg, 1988)
In the words of Bad News bassist Colin Grigson – aka much-missed comedy legend Rik Mayall – "My uncle owns the record company and he assures me that was heavy metal." A perfect parody of the artistically bankrupt cash-in Christmas single, this artfully awful ditty is best heard on Bad News's 1988 Bootleg album, with the band arguing all over the playback ("We're a heavy metal band, we've still got some credibility haven't we?").
Nocturnus – Destroying The Manger (The Key, 1991)
Effectively a Christmas carol invaded by crazed, occult death metal brutality, Floridian sci-fi nutters Nocturnus give a surprise twist to the story of the first Noel, the birth of baby Jesus: a robot from the future turns up with a bloody big gun to erase Christianity at its source. How many metalhead parents would like to cast their own kid as the assassin in their junior school Nativity play?