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Rick Wakeman rails against travel insurance in this month's Caped Crusade

Rick Wakeman rails against the trials and tribulations of being over 60 and out on the road in this month's regular column

Rodney Rectum-Rocker hadn’t been in great health recently so it was with great trepidation that he waited for the results of his medical. The frontman and only surviving member of 70s rock band Terrapin’s Testicles, was hoping he would be fit enough to get travel insurance for his upcoming 97-day club tour of small towns across the USA. Despite being only 67, pre-existing medical conditions meant he could easily pass for a man of 93.

This tour would be an important one. All the original members were dead and the band’s popularity was not what it had been. Once the ’Testicles had commanded pretty big audiences but in recent years, along with various body parts, their fans had dropped off and Rodney was broke. He was about to declare bankruptcy when the offer of an American club tour came in. The frontman jumped at it but there was a proviso: the 67-year-old had to pass a medical.

His name flashed up on the screen at Dr Dungfunnel’s surgery and he nervously followed the signs to the consulting room.

“Have a seat, Mr Rectum-Rocker,” said the doc.

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