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Rick Wakeman's Caped Crusades: Toilet Humour

There’s nothing funny about the state of some backstage bogs…

It never ceases to amaze me that the toilet facilities at most concert venues are pretty disgusting, for both artistes and the general public. They’re usually either blocked, won’t flush, will flush but overflow, have no seat, or have no toilet paper. On numerous occasions, they’ll even fall under four of the five listed categories.

Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s best to check out the state of the facilities upon arrival backstage at any venue and make a mental note of which category, or categories, they tick. Once checked, it’s time to draw up a plan of action. If the toilet comes under the ‘blocked and overflows’ category, then it’s crucial you pull rank over the rest of the band and get in there first. It’s especially important if the band has partaken of a pre-show curry. This will ensure that the drummer is likely to suffer the most as he’ll probably be the last one in there.

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