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Rick Wakeman's Caped Crusade: Toodle-loo!

The long route to the stage can stop you from being caught short…

“Is this the toilet?” I asked, as the theatre manager led me to a room backstage.

“No, it’s your dressing room,” he replied. “The toilet is two floors up, currently blocked and won’t flush. I don’t think there’s any toilet paper in there, but most bands use the sink anyway.”

“But there are 14 of us, including crew,” I countered. “By my reckoning, we’ll have needed at least 30 number ones and around a dozen number twos between us before the evening is over. Number ones are possible in the sink, but number twos may prove tricky unless you can supply a potato masher…”

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