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Outtacontroller: Don’t Play Dumb

Back in 1983, snot-nosed New Jersey punk band Detention wrote one of the greatest lines ever in a rock song: ‘Dead rock’n’rollers, they were outtacontrollers.’ How awesome is that? It rhymes and it’s true. Presumably, that’s where Halifax’s own Outtacontroller copped their name, and if so, it makes sense because they mine the same territory – in other words, wandering around drunk in graveyards and passing out in maths class.

The sorta shocking thing is how tight it all is. You expect the dudes who wrote slacker fuzz-pop epics like Sloppy Princess, Burn Out Beach and Purple Teeth to blow it at some point, muff a solo or wander off before the song is over, but they absolutely slay on this thing, end to end. If you’re looking for easy comparisons, try the Ramones at their most sock-hoppiest or the Dwarves before the cocaine kicks in. Your new soundtrack for failing out of school and working at the shit factory. (⁸⁄₁₀)

Tenafly Vipers: The Way Of The Woods

Named after the hobo-killing liquor in 80s gross-out flick Street Trash, these razor-toothed creeps bash out a grimy punk/metal hybrid that sounds like, well, like street trash, really. You know, like something scraped outta Pussy Galore’s garbage cans in ’85. Also, they have a song called Teenage Girls & Free Cocaine (All Night Long). It’s based on a true story. (⁷⁄₁₀)

The Von Rebels: Killing Machine

Montreal’s toughest guitar gang return with this full-throttle roar of nasty, gas-guzzling, gear-jamming action rock. It’s basically Eddie Cochran fronting Motörhead on the set of The Warriors, fists and riffs and pomade flying everywhere. If you don’t own a studded denim vest by the time this is over then you didn’t deserve to hear it in the first place. (⁶⁄₁₀)

GASH: Subspace (Laceration Edition)

Take the basic glam-punk template, wrap it in black leather and beat it into submission with a spiked paddle and you’ve got Philadelphia’s GASH, a thrill-a-minute ode to the pleasures and terrors of hardcore kink and even more hardcore rock’n’roll, led by one Tibbie X, who is basically Wendy O’s feral kid sister. Yow. (⁶⁄₁₀)

Danny Vash And Nite Wolf: Hard Life

Listen, I’m not gonna jive you: Danny Vash ain’t hip like the Zig Zags or, like, Dregen. He’s an earnest dude from New Mexico who just wants to shred his guitar and get on the radio. But Hard Life is a full-on orgy of high-impact riffola that sounds like some long-lost classic from the metal wasteland in ‘81. Genuinely badass. (⁷⁄₁₀)

Came from the sky like a 747. Classic Rock’s least-reputable byline-grabber since 2003. Several decades deep into the music industry. Got fired from an early incarnation of Anal C**t after one show. 30 years later, got fired from the New York Times after one week. Likes rock and hates everything else. Still believes in Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, against all better judgment.