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If singer Sebastian Bach was from Costa Rica (and honestly, why isn’t he? It seems like his kinda place), this is the band he’d put together.

The Old Van is an album of alcohol/gas-guzzling party-rock with absolutely zero on its mind aside from the next pretty girl and the next lost weekend. Every song’s a hit. I mean there’s only four of them, but still.

Came from the sky like a 747. Classic Rock’s least-reputable byline-grabber since 2003. Several decades deep into the music industry. Got fired from an early incarnation of Anal C**t after one show. 30 years later, got fired from the New York Times after one week. Likes rock and hates everything else. Still believes in Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, against all better judgment.